Looking back, I remember the first time I felt the guilt. After three months of PJs, no make up, and spit-up I was slightly excited about returning to work. If nothing else, I had a reason to 'look pretty.' Roland got up at 4:30 am for his morning feeding and after I put him back to sleep, I decided that I might as well shower and get ready for the big day.
I had been off for 12 weeks with Roland and thanks to the New Jersey Family Leave Act, Hubby was able to take two weeks off to help me transition back to work. After reviewing his schedule about four times, I kissed both Roland's goodbye and walked out the door. "I did it! I did it! I made my first step without shedding a tear!" I remember thinking. I was so proud of NOT crying that I called my Dad to share the news. I heard my Dad's voice and completely broke down in tears...so much for that!
I came home at lunch for the first two weeks to help Roland with the transition of being apart...truthfully, I'm not sure if it was for him, or for me. He was my little buddy. I had been with him every single day for 9 months in the womb and 3 months in the world. So yes, perhaps it was more for me, perhaps I was the one who had separation anxiety.
My first day was complete! I successfully made the transition as a full-time working mother! It was exhausting however... my sister snapped the picture below after my first day back to work. I was mentally and physically exhausted...and Hubby was exhausted from being 'Mr. Mom!'
Almost a year has passed, and the guilt has subsided. Either I'm doing a good job of ignoring the guilt, or I've learned to cope. I was feeding Roland breakfast last weekend and I asked if he wanted more or if he was done. He put his two hands together and signed 'more'. Who taught him that? His daycare - The Goddard School. I was tickled pink...and I realized, no one else is raising him, they are just enhancing his learning!